my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
