this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
