glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize