toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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