hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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