Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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