hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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