He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize