shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
