whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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