Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
