Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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