Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
