saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
