i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
