Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
