You really coming over, don't trick.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
