Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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