oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize