Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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