I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
