2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
