you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
