Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
