I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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