i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
