i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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