i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
