I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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