So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
last night I used snow as a chaser
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
