That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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