At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
