I smell stomach acid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it's like iHOP with fire
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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