but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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