I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
