I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
