and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize