I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
