2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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