before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
