I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
