morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
