I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
where am i from again
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
