we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
