just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize