I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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