last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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