Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
