hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
