you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
time to smoke my breakfast
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
