i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
