is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
