i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
