I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
