Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
