Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
even my farts smell like vagina
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
