just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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