Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
