Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
