i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize