the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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