How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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