So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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