I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
