I got chris browned last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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