He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
