Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
