Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
