I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
